Friendship in Adulthood
New Girl is one of my favorite TV shows. In my mind, it’s a more present day version of Friends. They’re both shows about a group of adults, navigating life’s joys, journeys and trials. Friendships so strong that they’re there for each other during funerals, breakups, promotions, marriages and all of the big moments in life. But, even more prominently, they’re there for each other through all the little moments. The day to day. They know each other better than they know themselves. It’s a concept that’s so comforting to me and something I wish was easier to replicate in real life. I know I’m not the only one who thought adulthood would look like Friends!
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The reality is quite different. At least for me. I moved around a lot as a kid, so making new friends was a requirement. New school, no problem. You’d just start chatting with the kid next to you in class or see who was nice enough to include you on the playground. New neighborhood, no problem. You’d just go outside and see if you could play with the countless kids who were already running around in the cul-de-sac. New state in the middle of high school, a little more of a problem. Everyone already had their groups of friends, so I existed on the periphery of a few groups, but still managed to make friends. But, all of that moving meant none of my friendships lasted the test of time. While most people have friends they’ve known their whole lives or strong friendships that got them through high school or college, I have a bunch of friendships that lasted the 2-3 years that I lived in a given place. And thank goodness for those friendships. I’m thankful for every single one of them, but it didn’t leave me with a friendship like Ross and Chandler (RIP).
So, knowing that I don’t have “built in” friendships, I’ve had to take the path of making friends in adulthood. You might be thinking, “oh that’s easy, you made friends as a child all the time since you moved so much.” Wrong. Not so easy, despite the practice. I’m introverted to my core. So, not only is making friends in adulthood already hard enough, I’m also trying to do it while every fiber of my being is uncomfy with “striking up a conversation” with a stranger. I would love to be the outgoing person who can make conversation with anyone and befriend everyone, but that’s just not me. That’s something I’ve had to accept about myself, but also something I don’t want to allow myself to use as an excuse.
Doing scary things brings growth, opportunities, and hopefully friendships. Now, I’m not going to get ahead of myself. I have zero intentions of just chatting up anyone and everyone, but I hope to get a little more out of my comfort zone. When my husband and I go out to eat, go to a bar, or walk our dog, we sometimes see couples that look our age. I always say, “they seem cool, how do we become friends with them?” Well, the first obvious answer is to talk to them. Which I never do. So, I’m starting there! That’s the only way to make friends in adulthood, especially in a city we aren’t from. What’s the worst that could happen? An awkward conversation here or there won’t hurt me. (I also have a very outgoing husband who will likely carry the conversation hallelujah.)
I have a few good friends. Over the space of time, life stage changes, moving and all the other things that life throws at us, they’ve remained. Even though they remain, sometimes all of those things make the space between people grow just a little bit during a given period of time. That’s completely fine and doesn’t take away from the friendship. But, during those periods when the gap is the widest, it’s good to introduce new friendships and build new bonds for the current space. New friendships don’t diminish the existing ones. If anything, this is the part of childhood friendships that lingered with me the most. The fear of losing the friendships I have. Of not being willing to let them go if they don’t fit anymore. The guilt of having to move on. But, now I know, friendships flow as people grow.
Credit:Jane Fonda quote; unknown image
My adulthood friendships might not look like New Girl or Friends, but it doesn’t mean I can’t continue to seek fulfilling and supportive friendships. It doesn’t mean that ten years from now, I might have new best friends that I don’t even know now. That’s what I’m hoping for! Hope isn’t enough (friendships won’t fall in my lap while I’m sitting on the couch at home being anti-social as much as I wish they would), so I’m going to try to make it happen!
Not to mention, my very best friends are my husband and my sister and they’re stuck with me for life anyways. <3